Some conflicts run so deep that they last generations. But this conflict is so significant, it involves the extinction of entire species and has affected life on Earth for more than a millennium.
Sixty six million years ago, the dinosaurs were wiped out by an asteroid impact, so it’s only fitting that the final battle in the first round of the Chicken Nugget Wars will be between the Carl’s Jr. Chicken Stars and the Tyson Dinosaur-Shaped Fun Nuggets.
Since the official name “Dinosaur-Shaped Fun Nuggets” is way too long for a 5-years-old to remember. I will be calling these nuggets by the name lovingly gifted to them by 5-year-olds across America, Dino Nuggies.
And now, the moment has come to find out if the dinos will be able to survive another asteroid or if the shooting stars will prevail once more.
In the Crispness category, the Dino Nuggies did not fare well. If there’s one thing microwaves are not good for, it’s making something crunchy. The dino nuggets are microwaved from frozen, and as a result they come out much soggier than you remember from your childhood. Despite this, the breading on the nuggies did still maintain more of a crutch than I expected, so the dinos earn a 5.
The Chicken Stars were much more comparable to any other fast food nugget and had a significantly better crust than the dinos. The crust was present but not exceptional, so the stars earned an 8.
If there’s one thing that a microwave is good for, it’s keeping something juicy, and the Dino Nuggies were just that, juicy. Don’t get me wrong, these were not on the same level as Chick-fil-A or the Habit, but they were definitely juicy, so they earned another 8.
The same cannot be said about the juiciness of the Carl’s Jr. nuggets, as those by comparison were a mouth full of sand. The stars earned a 6.
One thing that was highlighted in the flavor and tenderness categories was how similar these nuggets were. Both had nearly identical textures, and I have no doubt those textures would be even more similar if the Dino Nuggies were air fried or baked instead of microwaved. Both nuggets earned a 7 in the texture category because they were both passable but nothing special.
The flavor category was more of the same. The nuggets tasted almost identical. The flavor of the chicken and the saltiness of the breading weren’t bad but there was little seasoning. The Carls’s Jr. Chicken Stars were slightly saltier which elevated the flavor slightly, so the Dino Nuggies earned a 7 while the stars earned a 7.5.
Both nuggets performed terribly in the sauce category. The Dino Nuggies don’t come with sauce but somehow, the stars performed even worse. The cashier at Carl’s Jr. told me the nuggets would come with ketchup but to my surprise when I looked in the bag, there was no ketchup to be found. I wanted sauce I was given lies.
As a result, Dino Nuggies earned a 1 in the sauce category and the Chicken Stars earned a 0.
In addition to forgetting my sauce, Carl’s Jr. also shorted me two nuggets out of the 6 I was supposed to receive. Losing 33% of a nugget meal and 100% of any form of dipping sauce might as well be a forfeit in this competition, but just to be nice, I’ll stick to just docking the Chicken Stars two points because accidents happen.
The Dino Nuggies earned a price point for being about the same price as a six piece of Chicken Stars despite coming in a bag of 32, making them more than five times cheaper than the Chicken Stars.
This brings the overall totals to 26 for the Carl’s Jr. Chicken Stars and 28 for the Tyson Dino Nuggies, meaning the dinosaurs finally get their revenge and can finally rest at peace.
Make sure to catch the next edition of the Clarion to see who will win in the first battle of round 2 between nugget powerhouse McDonald’s and the defending Chicken Wars Champion, Popeyes. 
