As spring semester begins, returning students are becoming reacquainted with all the quirky, cute and plain hilarious assortment of characters that inhabit Citrus’ classrooms.
The obvious of these is “That Guy.” That Guy always has a story to tell.
It is usually a long, meandering tale with many plot twists and dramatic pauses, designed to enhance and embellish the seemingly average subjects, such as linear functions or allegorical imagery.
If you are That Guy, we bow down to you.
Equally obvious is The Suck Up. He or she compliments the teacher, obeys the teacher and defends the teacher against wayward students.
The Suck Up gives the teacher the same all-surpassing loyalty that thirteen-year fangirls give British boy band, One Direction.
If you have ever had a face-down with a girl wearing Zayn Malik’s face on her shirt, you know what I’m talking about.
Students aren’t much in the habit of giving apples anymore, but if they were this student would be in class bright and early with a Red Delicious.
Next is a group that makes us nostalgic for our high school days. These students spend class shooting spitballs, imitating the teacher’s accent and laughing whenever the teacher says something even remotely dirty.
Oh, the chaos that erupted when the plane trigonometry class learned about polar curves (one of the graphs looked an awful lot like a pair of buns).
At the end of the spectrum are “The Einsteins.” These overachievers are easily identified by their messy Einstein-esque hair, their obsessive-compulsive note taking and their tendency to correct every trivial mistake the teacher makes.
Sheldon Coopers of the world unite!
Last are the perpetually hungry, who upon entering the classroom immediately take out the pungent bag of French fries, the noisy bag of chips or the thermos of coffee.
We at the Clarion are notorious coffee addicts. And anyone lapping up lattes without sharing deserves every awkward glare we give them.
If you are on this list it is because we love you, you Suck Ups and Einsteins, you comedians and even “That Guy.”
However, most students face most classes with a “Get in, get out” mentality.
So, the students can deal with interesting personalities and even be entertained by them as long as they don’t interfere with that whole learning thing.
In the immortal words of the YouTube sensation, Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”
